The dirty word called Expectations


a. a strong belief that something will happen.
b. a belief that someone should achieve something.


We expect our recovering love ones to set their recovery clock to ours.

This shouldn’t be the case. One of the issues is when we look back on our own lives we expect and have been taught that things should move along in a normal fashion and you’re right. We expect our children to learn in school. Get out get a job, get their own place and have a family. But if our love ones that spent their teens/early 20's using then we should maybe look at it a little different.

There are many reasons why our love ones struggle and often don't meet out expectations:

a. They don’t know how to handle their day to day needs. Such as: Cleaning, Food shopping, getting up.
b. Still trying to figure out their emotions.

What other reasons have you seen that causes makes the struggles so real?

We all sit around here tonight knowing this, but we expect our love ones to just pick up and plow ahead. Even when we know it could be a problem.

Why do you think we do that?

Bottom line is they have to learn, so they can truly have a fulfilled life and not trying to do Dad's recovery program. They have to change the thinking they have used so long. It surely doesn’t happen overnight. I remember the first time I took my son grocery shopping. For me it is a easy task, but my son quickly overloaded.

I see this all the time:

My son Johnny is coming home next week, It’s going to be great. I spoke to his counselor and he’s ready. He learned not to do drugs anymore, so he’s going to be all better. True story, have heard it dozen of times. There won’t be any more lying, because he only did that so I won’t know he was on drugs. I’m already getting him a list of places he can work.

Let’s look at couple of these issues:

a. Johnny learned about drugs and staying away from them. Let’s be upfront here 28 days at a rehab isn't long enough for some people. How can someone that’s been doing drugs for years expect in 28 days to be all better. They have a once a week meeting, one-on-one with an counselor. That’s 4 – 1 hour sessions. That hardly is enough time to scratch the surface on any subject. The chemistry in their brains has just started to get back to normal. The estimated time it take is 18 months, not one month. Even though they no longer have a physical craving, they do have a psychological craving. This can takes months to get over.

b. There won’t be any more lying. Lying is learned. We figure it out when we’re just babies. But with someone that uses, it’s the way of life and death to them. Since it’s learned you can’t expect them to unlearn it quickly. It actual takes practice not to lie.

What other things do you think are unrealistic expectations we can do?

Bottom line is we expect too much out of them right after getting out of rehab. It’s not fair to them to push because pushing can translate into relapse.

What do you think are some of the things WE can do limit our expectations?

How do we help them without causing more stress than needed?

What do we need to do to help us?


Those that are in recovery also have expectations to their love ones and they shouldn’t. They also have their own expectations of themselves.

Parents can’t just flip a switch and have faith and trust in you. Some say they can but it's always in the back of their head. Especially early on.

Expectations that they have of us:

1. Don’t expect your family to understand how you’re feeling, try explaining it to them. They might not get it but it shows them you’re trying.

2. Don’t expect them to just forget what’s happened in the past and yes something things will be thrown in your face in any heated moment. Try talking to them and explaining how it makes you feel and if they don’t understand, them you’re the bigger person by not getting a attitude. Remember it takes time to mend a broken fence. It must be earned back.

3. Most love ones expect you to get better at their pace. Speak up and explain how you’re feeling what your plan is. Yes you should have a plan. It doesn't mean you'll follow it 100% it just gives you a path.

4. You expect them to continue helping you. You can’t continue to do this to yourself. It’s amazing when you do something on your own without ‘their’ help. This also helps to build your self-esteem and you feel proud of your accomplishments.

5. Our love ones might expect us to take a drug test. If they ask you to take a drug test, do it! It Builds trust.

6. They will expect you to follow all the rules. Honor their requests.

7. In most families there are very big trust issues. If they don’t believe what you say, don’t blow you top. Remember that they are us to you lying. Just tell them that it’s the truth and leave it there.

8. Don’t lash out at them. They’ve seen this when you where in your active addiction and it will remind them of it.

9. Expect them to say you’re acting high, when you’re not, then the best thing you can do is not over react. Ask them to buy a drug test and take it with a smile on your face and no drama. It Build trust.

10. Don’t lie. No matter how small. If you’ve done something then own up to it even if you’re going to catch heck. You will feel better for telling the truth than lying.

11. If you tell them you’re going somewhere and then decide to change your mind. Then pick up the cell phone and let them know. Builds trust.

12. Expect curfews and stick to them. If you’re going to be late then call them and let them know. Not at the time of the curfew but earlier.

Family members and those in recovery:

1. What are so on the things we can do for each other so that the expectations don't can strife?

Developed by the Connecticut Community for Addiction Recovery (CCAR), the CCAR Recovery Coach Academy at COA is a week-long training opportunity designed for those interested in serving as a recovery coach. It is the first peer-based recovery coaching and training program designed for people interested in guiding individuals into and through long-term recovery from alcohol and/or drug addiction. The next scheduled training dates are:

Dates: Sunday, November 11th, 2018, Mon-Fri 6:30-9:30 and Saturday,
: 8am - 6:00pm (Sun, Sat) (Lunch will be provided)

LocationSt Charles Borromeo RC Church 176 Stagecoach Rd, Sickerville

A CCAR Recovery Coach is anyone interested in promoting recovery by removing barriers & obstacles to recovery and serving as a personal guide & mentor for people seeking or already in recovery. It is invaluable for anyone – counselors, teachers, health care professionals, volunteers, group leaders, community activists, parents, spouses and other family members – working or living with addiction sufferers.

This is a practical, results-oriented training that will provide participants a comprehensive overview of the purpose and tasks of a recovery coach and will explain the various roles played by a recovery coach. The program will provide participants with the tools & resources most useful in providing recovery support services. It will also teach skills to access vital recovery resources within the community.

Because it is founded on a philosophy of “meeting your addict where they’re at”, this program teaches how to support the recovery of virtually anyone challenged by addiction. Participants will be able to:

  • Describe the roles and functions of a recovery coach
  • List the components, core values and guiding principles of recovery
  • Build skills to enhance relationships
  • Discuss co-occurring disorders and medicated assisted recovery
  • Describe stages of change and their applications
  • Experience wellness planning
  • Practice newly acquired skills

The instructors for this program are Michele Perez and Ed Brazell.  Both have completed the CCAR Recovery Coach Academy and have been trained by CCAR to train Recovery Coaches.

More than 5,000 people across the U.S. have taken this highly regarded training program since 2008 and it is also being offered in selected countries overseas, including the U.K. To learn more about COA-trained Recovery Coaches and how they are putting their skills to use, click here.

It’s an even greater savings off the CCAR price – if you take the identical training at CCAR in Connecticut or at other facilities across the U.S., you will pay $850.

Registration Cost: $445.00 includes the cost of the manual

Early Registration Cost: $345.00 includes the cost of the manual


To register, simply click “Buy Now” below:

Recovery Coach Class

There are several ways to search.

  1. Selecting by Facility Name:


  1. If you know the name of the Facility or partial name and press return.  Be careful with

partial names because then can bring back a lot of results.


  1. Select by Service Types. Please click on Service Types dropdown and select a service:
  2. Buprenorphine/Suboxone. Is a listing of all locations (both inpatient and outpatient) that use

this Suboxone as either for Detox regiment or for maintenance.


  1. Detox. Is a listing of all locations that handle detox.  By picking this choice you will be further given a option for:
  2. Inpatient, Outpatient.


Also you have a option of Selecting ‘Special Services’ and ‘What type of Insurance do you have’. Explained later.


  1. Funding.  Is a listing of places that have funding available to help in treatment or sober living.  Note:  The list

only has NJ funding sources.  If you know of any please let us know. If you’re have access to add services

then please add them.

  1. Hot Lines.  Each state’s Substance Abuse hot line numbers.


  1. Intensive Outpatient IOP. The listing of all IOP offices in the US.

  2. Meeting. The listing of Meetings. By picking this choice you will be further give a option for which type of meeting:
  3. NA, AA, CA, NAR-Anon, AL-Anon, FA, Alateen or Family meeting Generic.


  1. Methadone used in treatment. All locations in the US that use methadone as for maintenance.


  1. Rehab.  All locations in the US that have rehab services.  By picking this choice you will be further given the options:
  2. Inpatient, Detox, Outpatient, Dual Diagnosis, Hospital Inpatient Treatment, Residential

Also you have a option of Selecting ‘Special Services’ and ‘What type of Insurance do you have’. Explained later.

  1. Sober living. Is a listing of Full – ¾ and ½ locations.  Also you have a option of Selecting ‘Special Services’ to select

between Men, Women and Women with Children.


  1. Vivitrol/Naltrexone. All locations in the US that use it (Including doctors offices).


Searching by distance can be done with all services:

  1. Entering the two State letters and it will search for the entire state.
  2. You can search within a distance by entering a City, St or ZipCode and then click on dropdown

‘Distance’ and selecting a mileage limit of between 5 – 100.

Special Services:

  1. With Detox and Rehab there are additional choices you can made by clicking on the dropdown called

Special Services.  Your choices are:


Military, Children, Women, Men, Mental and emotional issues, additional languages, seniors, veterans

Once you entered and selected what you want to search on. Click:  ‘Search’

Other options on the main page are:

Log Out: Take you out of the system.

Login:    This allows you to login add places to your favorite list or edit and add listing if you have those privileges.
If you don’t have one then click on Login and select “I’m New”. If you are someone just searching then all you
have to answer is: First Name, Last Name, All fields under:  Login Information.  Disregard all other inputs.
Then click “Save” at bottom.

MyList: View items in your saved list. You must be logged on.

Edit FAQ.  If you’re logged in and have permission you can edit or add information to the FAQ “Questions and Answers”

Create Listing:   If you’re logged in and have permission you can edit or add listings.

For Edit FAQ and Create Listing: Once you’ve created a login please let me know and I’ll give you the permission.

Search facilities Screen:

Operations while on Search screen:

Goto their WebSite:       Open a window to the facility’s webpage.
No Electronic Submission: Allows you to submit your information to one or more facilities for approval.
Save to My Listing:          Save the current facility to your favorites. (only works if logged in).
View my Save List:           View all the facilities that you have saved. (click on button again to go back to search).
 Login to System:              Login using you userid and password that you create. See: Login above for more info.
Edit Listing and Create Listing:    This is modify or add a service. See: Create Listing above.
Exit:                                       Exit Search Results screen back to Search Screen.

Features that word only while you’re on a PC:

                Email Listing:      Email current listing on page to someone.
                Print Listing:       Print current listing on page.
                Copy Listing:       Copy current listing to clipboard so you can paste into something else.

Outstanding Listings:

                New funding sources will be added as they are located.
Detox, Rehab and Sober Houses:
                Most locations are listed. We’re still gathering locations that are Christian based.


Note:  NA and FA are completed for the US.  NAR-Anon will be done soon. AA is being handled but it 
will take time. The remaining selects are being worked on.



Welcome to SoberTracker.  SoberTracker is a tool created to help manage the day to day tasks when working or volunteering in the Recovery industry.  This tool will allow you to track all aspects of working with clients.  Following a client through the initial contact to whenever your organization decides that it isn’t any longer necessary.  Every aspect is covered from initial assessment to ongoing support and beyond.  Track all services a client has received and all status notes.  FollowUp scheduling is a big piece of what is need when you need to stay in contact.

The software is internet based and can be ran on your phone, computer and pad device.

If you’re one of those that are using sticky pad, notebooks or spreadsheets then this app if for you.  It will streamline what you do.  Reporting and follow up so much easier.  No more missing critical calls.  Also if your organization does funding this will allow you to track funding request, approvals and payments.

So put away the pad and pick up the keyboard.  Go to


To see more information please click on the pdf file link:


   Silent Epidemic has built a place where anyone can Search for any Addiction or Alcoholism Services. Currently there are over 200,000 services.

It is free of ads and there are no selling services on this site. If you are a service company and your service isn't listed then please contact us and we'll give you access to add and update your services..

 Silent Epidemic has built a place where anyone can Search for any Addiction or Alcoholism Services. Currently there are over 200,000 services.



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